How to Identify and Attract the Loving Relationship You’ve Always Wanted

Have you been disheartened by your failure to attract a loving relationship this year? If you feel that attracting a healthy and rewarding loving relationship has gone beyond your reach, it’s time to change your way of thinking!

There IS someone out there for you! Who knows, 2010 may be your year – you just have to shift gears and take on new approaches to achieving what you desire for yourself in the coming year. There are many simple yet great internal exercises to finally finding that special person who will love you for what you are, and move forward with you to creating a loving relationship based on mutual trust and understanding.
First, you need to know what it is you truly desire in a relationship. Some want security, while others value respect first and foremost. It is vital to understanding what is important to both of you so there is no confusion regarding the importance of things within the relationship. Do you know what your love language is? What is at the top of your list?

Define your terms and create clear descriptions of your expectations. Learn to define exactly what you mean when you use the words love, trust, respect, compassion, etc – what does the word feel like, how would you know if the other person embodied that trait if there were no words to describe? Without a clear understanding of what each of you mean when using a particular work, you will most likely spark confusion and disillusionment. This is the reason why most people state “No one understands me!” It’s important first and foremost that you understand yourself.

Many seek out relationships without any clue as to what they really want. The need to belong to someone intimately becomes reason enough for them – sadly, most who seek out relationships based on this need alone end up so frustrated and alone in the end. They struggle to exist in the relationship because everything isn’t clear to them at the beginning; they are determined to have a relationship to the point where they are willing to sacrifice their soul in order to get it. However, when you know what you want, when you know how to identify the traits that your spirit desires in other people, you direct your efforts into satisfying those needs that you have identified as important to you quite clearly.

When seeking a relationship, always remain firm with your values. Although you may disagree with your partner regarding some beliefs or practices, you will earn their respect more by remaining firm with your precepts rather than sway on them just to please the other party. As much as possible, seek a partner who shares similar values with you; that respects you no matter what your life’s experience has been; that treats you with respect and kindness. It would be quite difficult to co-exist with someone who doesn’t give as much importance to certain things as you do or whose spirit is not complimentary to yours. I always say that the person you are intimate with/in a relationship with should be a compliment NOT a complication in your life. Would you agree?

Learn to identify what you want in your relationships. In Internal Groundwork section of my book, The 5 Phases of Dating… there is an exercise in which I have you create your 3 Lists ~ Your Must Haves, Can Compromise On’s and Hell Naws. This exercise is designed to walk you through identifying what’s most important to you so that YOU understand for yourself and you learn how to articulate that to someone else. So many partners fail to do this and become so comfortable in the relationship that they forget to move on to attain their goals and for the relationship. Discuss with each other what you plan to achieve every 5 or so years to find out if you share the same insight to the future of your relationship.

Above all, be true to yourself. Be honest and don’t sell yourself short of what you really deserve. Although it pays not to be too ambitious or choosy, give yourself great worth and go for the best that you truly deserve. Learn how to date just for the sake of dating. It should be fun. No one has ever grown emotionally by steering clear of relating to another person, for it is in the relating that we learn more about ourselves, where to place certain things on our lists and how we have been settling for less than what we need, want and deserve.
There is someone out there who shares the same needs and desires that you do, so go for the best so you make a choice that will last you a lifetime. Make yourself lovable and desirable. Be the type of person you wish to attract and make a resolution to be a blessing in someone else’s life this coming year. You are so worth it!

In 2010 I will be creating more books, e-courses, special reports regarding relationships whether personal, professional or the most important ~ with Self. Look for the release of my new book, Letters to My Son’s to be released by Mother’s Day 2010. In this book I will share with my sons, words of wisdom regarding the important things in life including relationships as being gardens for their souls. You can keep up with information regarding new releases at www.anitacharlot.com.

Happy New Year… May true love and companionship come your way!

HUGS!

Reprogramming Your Subconscious Mind: How to Free Yourself from Repeated Dysfunctional Behavior

No matter how much effort some people exert to improve on their behaviour, they tend to follow the same patterns over and over again. In relationships for instance, there are people who vow never to fall for the same type of person once they get out of a tumultuous relationship – only to find themselves in another relationship with the same person only this time with a different name, look or even gender. It’s not that this type of relationship is any better; it’s the familiarity which keeps drawing them back.
You may be one among the many who have read hundreds of how-to books, attended seminars or taken courses on self-improvement. You think you have done everything there is to equip you to forge lasting changes but in the end, you fall back and repeat the same dysfunctional patterns and wonder why you can’t just get out. It’s always such a struggle – and it can be deeply frustrating! Is there any hope for something better??
Yes there is. The reason why it has been a struggle for you is because you keep addressing behavioural issues on the conscious level. That is not what directs you to behave in a particular way nor does it help to channel your mind into believing new precepts and principle. Our patterns of behaviour are controlled by the sub-conscious, which, when reprogrammed, can lead to the behavioural changes you are wishing to happen.
So How Does the Subconscious Mind Work?
The sub-conscious comprises the largest portion of our mind. It contains all the inputs we have learned and received throughout our lives. Information is stored there – the necessary pieces are put to use at a particular time when they are needed, while the rest lie dormant until a time when external forces trigger a recall.
The subconscious holds millions of thoughts that are grouped into clusters that form our beliefs, convictions, perceptions, mindsets and character traits. They make up the totality of what we are on the outside. Our mind is like an iceberg – the conscious part forms the tip of the iceberg, and it is what everyone around us sees and related with. The subconscious on the other hand, is the submerged portion of the iceberg, always hidden from view but basically supporting the whole visible portion. We never see the subconscious in action, but it is always the major factor that guides us through life and all that it holds for us.
Learned behaviour resides in the subconscious, and it doesn’t take much effort to get information from that memory bank when we need it. Learning how to walk is an example of learned behaviour – we did learn how to walk when we were toddlers and the information process is stored in the subconscious. We don’t tell ourselves to put one foot in front of the other every time we stand up to walk – it’s something that flows freely from the subconscious because once learned, it will always be there. It is what controls our actions through repetition and practice.
And just as the subconscious controls the steps we take to walk, so does it control the steps we take as we travel the journey through life. And we don’t need to get stuck in patterns of repeated behaviour – we can implement change by reprogramming our subconscious mind to receive a new set of beliefs and precepts. Fresh inputs and new thoughts can allow the subconscious to direct us to the changes we want to happen. Here are some techniques and strategies that you can tap into your subconscious and reprogram it towards the changes you desire:
1. AFFIRMATION: Affirmations are a set of positive, present tense statements you can use to reprogram your subconscious to focus on the positive aspects and do away with negative thinking. When the mind is trained to take on a constructive note, it inspires the subconscious to bring about positive actions and results. And by repeating these positive actions, you create new mind pathways and a better attitude towards life.
2. VISUALIZATION: When you visualize something, you create a concrete mental picture of something that otherwise is just a set of descriptive thoughts and words. By painting a mind picture of your aspirations and goals, you stimulate the subconscious into accepting these visualizations as reality. Your desires and actions follow suit and directs behaviour towards the goal. You stand more chances at attaining your aspirations through this – this is method top athletes use during competition. They visualize winning to push themselves towards the gold. If you can SEE it…you can ACHIEVE IT!!!
3. HYPNOSIS: Therapeutic exercises on the subconscious sometimes work at training your thoughts towards a new mindset. Hypnosis works by easing the mind into a state of relaxation and releasing its grip on old thoughts and memories. Once this release level has been achieved, the mind opens up to new thoughts and perceptions and processes them into your new realities.
4. SUBLIMINAL AUDIOS: Subliminal audio is equivalent to reading between the lines. We hear words or tones when someone speaks or sings, but we read something at a different level from the way words are chosen or put together or what tones are used when speaking or singing. Sublime sounds can reprogram the subconscious into a new way of thinking. This especially works during periods of rest or sleep when the mind does not resist the information it receives. The fully conscious mind has a natural tendency to process information as it receives them in the audible level; however in its restful state, it takes in both the audible and sublimal level which can reprogram it to new inputs. Why not program yourself stating in a positive fashion those things in which you want. Create your own audios, in your own voice stating what YOU REALLY want.
Using these techniques can help remove the burden of repeated dysfunctional behaviour caused by a conscious level of reaction to external factors. When we are aware how the subconscious works, we can teach the mind to let go of the negative stuff it retains and open it to newer, fresher and more positive thoughts. That way, we step out of the vicious routine of dysfunctional behaviour and move along a path that leads to the fulfilment of our aspirations through positively reinforced behaviour patterns. Get ready for a positive 2010…it’s your time. Heck…it’s MY TIME TOO!!! Starting my audio tonight! See you on the Positive Side!
Looking for a bit of inspiration? Something to jumpstart the new you? Check out my girl Shanel Cooper-Sykes. She’s a bolt of lightning with a monthly tele-class that will kick-start your change efforts.
HUGS!

Your Passion, Your Purpose – Know What Inspires You To Live

Have you arrived at a point in your life where things are simply flowing with the tide day in and day out? Do you rise up in the morning and begin to do things you don’t need to think or plan about? Hey, I bet you can even put make up on with your eyes closed, swat at the kids in the back seat, eat McDonalds’ text AND drive at the same time, right? Then the rest of the day, you feel like a machine programmed to tackle the daily grind. You deal with everything that needs to be done until the end of the day calls you to stop and put your feet up. It’s the same thing the following day and the day after – everything is uneventful, every day is just a run of the mill. If you have found yourself in this situation, I hate to say it but…boredom has become your worst enemy.

Boredom restricts us from exploring our full potential and it is such a sorry state. I feel like something inside of me dies whenever I am not passionately focused on something. Having nothing to work towards for even a moment actually kills me! Nothing feels worse than being involved in activity just for the sake of being busy. It’s wasted energy and time that I can never get back. So why would I continue doing something that does not speak to my truth of feed my spirit? I don’t…anymore that is.

You have to being to love life and discover your purpose for being alive. Boredom does just the opposite – it puts roadblocks along your path to self-discovery, so it is always important to have something worthwhile to do. Find a special purpose for being in this world – it will give you reason to get out of bed every day.
Don’t let doubt and apprehension stop you from pursuing your passion. To me, the ultimate essence of life is turning your passion into action and living each day loving what you’re doing. It doesn’t necessarily have to be a career you love – it could be a favorite hobby, a worthy cause or an advocacy. The important thing is the transformation of your passion into something tangible, maybe even financially lucrative as well.

So how do you discover your life purpose? Well you have to take steps and even take risks! You’ll need to open yourself up to new experiences and step out of your comfort zones to discover exciting things you can love and live for. Put some action into your aspirations and throw away the “what ifs”. The worst situation to be at a later time is to look back and regret that you didn’t take a shot at something you had wished for. It is important to conquer the barriers of apprehension and take on the challenge of exploring your untapped potentials. Who knows, the answers to your life purpose might just be there.

Explore the world around you – meet new people, go to new places and try out new and interesting things. New adventures never fail to excite us and each new experience never fails to teach you new things. You’ll discover amazing things about yourself you never thought existed – there is a lot in you that the rest of the world will be happy to know about. The important thing is to give it all a shot
So step out of the doldrums and pursue your passions. Resist the need to be perfect at everything and just give it all a try. Don’t be afraid to fail and fall; experience is always the best teacher and failure never fails to bring out the best in us. Persevere in your passion.

Passion – oh it’s such a lovely word filled with so much energy, zeal and excitement. Life can never be empty with passion in your soul. What are you waiting for? You are a wonderful, unique individual with special talents and gifts that only YOU can bring. Stop playing small…the world is waiting for you.

At times we get so caught up in the faulty programming of what we CAN’T do that it takes someone else to help us see what we CAN. Stop by http://www.anitacharlot.com today and see which coaching service would be right for you. Isn’t it time you invested in yourself for a change?

AYSM 2010: Attracting Your Soul Mate in 2010

Isn’t it an endearing thought– having someone hold your hand, feeling safe and secure in the confines of your partner’s embrace, uninterrupted days melting into passionate nights, and being with someone who understands and loves you regardless you even when you’re at your worst? I know what you’re thinking “That could never happen to me!” I’m here to tell you – YES IT CAN!!!

If you’re serious about getting your “ISH” together to attract your soul mate, you will. If are truly in touch with your authentic self and you have cleaned OUT your life, you are a prime candidate. Great relationships have been forged by two people having done their individual personal devleopment then meeting up at the same point in life. You could desire particulars in another person and at that exact moment, those could be the very things someone is ready to give. And if they are in the spirit of allowing…their paths will most definitely cross.

Some people do not know how to identify a partner that comes close to their concept of an ideal soul mate simply because they do not have a clue as to what they should be looking for in the first place. They are under the assumption that someone is going to fall out of the sky or appear “hot and smoking” like Moses and the burning bush and LOOK OUT, if they begin to like each other, it’s UHAUL and happily ever after time. Unfortunately, a true and honest deep-rooted relationship that is grounded in a solid foundation does not happen that way.

Take into account some vital points when preparing to attract your soul mate:

1.Know exactly what you are looking for at this time in your life; what you are willing to give and what you expect in a partner or soul mate in a relationship. Have a foresight of what you’d like your life to be and identify the key factors that you value most. What’s the level of trust, respect and commitment you expect in a relationship? What are your goals for the relationship? For yourself? When you have all these clearly identified, you will emerge from the clutter and begin to notice other people who share the same ideals that you do. Then you will seek these types of persons to interact with and probably cut ties with the ones who don’t measure up. That’s what http://www.5phasesofdating.com is all about. Helping you to peel back the layers to uncover your truth.

2. Frequent places where your potential soul mates would be spending most of their time. If you’re into some sport or hobby you wish to share with your partner, join a community, a class or a club where you can meet people sharing the same interests. If you’re a pet lover, enroll your dog in a training class or sign up for membership in your local K9 community. You will love time spent with people who share the same passion as you do, and who knows? They might be in it too, searching for someone who shares their passion.

3. Skip the bar scene. Most people frequent nightspots because they’re in search of something exciting, something that’s simply “for the moment”. They’re merely there for a great night out or just to pass the night away till it’s time to hit the sack. They’d entertain short-term relationships if the opportunity presents itself, so unless you’re in the market for a new “maintenance contract” , don’t dream of finding Mr. or Mrs. Right NOW in the dark.

4.And if you’re looking to reconnect with your inner Goddess first to bring that FIRE back into your relationship (or you know of someone or a couple that is)…pick up this book by my girl Shanel Cooper-Sykes titled Stilettos in The Kitchen. Making dinner has never “looked so good.” Trust me, Domestic Goddess is a title you will RUSH to wear.

My favorite talkshow host Oprah Winfrey once said, “Definitely Mr. Right is coming, but he’s coming from Africa. And he’s walking.” You will never find love playing it safe in the confines of your home. You will never know the type of person that is great “Soul mate” material if you do not take a chance on dating in the meantime. Only through interactions with others on an intimate level do we uncover our hidden desires as well as areas in which we need to grow within ourselves. What are you waiting for? Get your “ISH” together so that you are ready to receive Mr. or Mrs. Right One when they appear in your life. Take a chance on attracting that person that may not be “perfect” but “perfectly Imperfect” for you based on your truth. It’s time.

Building Self-Awareness

As we approach the year's end, let us look forward to a season of new beginnings and new hopes. Let's start by getting in touch with our spirit. A thorough soul searching will lead us to knowing what to focus on in the coming year. It will be good to ask ourselves what we are and what we really want from life.

We've always been told that we can't change what we don't see. Self-awareness is the process of acknowledging not only our strengths, but our weaknesses as well. Getting in touch with yourself involves listening to what your body and spirit are saying and acting on what you hear. How do you practice self-awareness?
First, you should reflect on who you are and who you'd like to be. While it's important to notice your faults and weaknesses, it's equally important to acknowledge your strengths. When you know yourself well, you will be more capable of bringing change into your life.
When you do real soul searching, you'll find the many character traits that make you unique. Start off by focusing on the positive. This will embolden you to face the less favourable ones that may cause you to give up on your journey to self-discovery too early.
On the other hand, when evaluating your strengths, don't let your ego get the best of you. If you put more emphasis on one over the other, you can't possibly get a realistic picture of yourself. Until you deal with the truth of who you really are, you can never become the person you want to be.
Give value to what you like and dislike. Too often, people make life-altering choices without taking their personal needs into account. Before you embark on goals for your future, draw a clear line between what you really want and what you can live without.
Consult your loved ones. Talk to people who know you best and are not afraid to tell you what they really think of you. Ask them to be completely honest with you and be prepared to hear their opinions. You may not be your own best judge of character, so never argue with other people's perceptions of who you are. Take their opinions into account so you'll get a more realistic picture of yourself. Self-awareness is a crucial part of change. If you want to move forward, begin with real acceptance of who you really are.

Get to know who you are and what you really want from life!

Not every dating situation is a potential relationship

Not every dating situation is a potential relationship; at times two people will cross each other’s path because they have something to teach one another. The challenge is to slow down enough to recognize this. That is what The 5 Phases of Dating™ is all about, illustrating in each phase what to pay attention to, not only with the other person but also within yourself. If you are ready to look within, and see that most often you mess up your dating situations because you do not understand yourself and what you want, you're on the right path!

I've been in the same situation countless times. I've lived, loved and lost so much in the past and I am determined to move beyond this barrier. Hopefully you will identify with what I have learned in my own healing journey and find greater satisfaction within your relationships because by then, you will have developed a better relationship with yourself.

Allow yourself to nurture your spirit and your heart into a brand new way of communicating, thinking and feeling. Start by finding and knowing your truly authentic self.

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